Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize