could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
