dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So many bounce houses so little time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
