Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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