I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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