She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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