Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
