Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
from now on my penis is your penis
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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