Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
