so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
