Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
