i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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