I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dicks are not precious.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
