Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
