the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize