Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
