Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
