I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
