I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I have post one night stand depression
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