dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize