The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
