if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize