The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
