her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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