It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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