saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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