you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well I just put wine in my tea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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