Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
