she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
