My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
