Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
