My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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