So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
two words...techno handjob
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
