dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
