Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm always down for nudity.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
