No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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