I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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