The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
