My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
