Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
