Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
