I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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