i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
