she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
