the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
