Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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