I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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