threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hippo gnu deer
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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