Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
