i think my mom watched the whole time
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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