I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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