I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
