the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
