Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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