What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
