i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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