just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
