If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
