Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
