Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont even know how to be here
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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