Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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