the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am one with the molecules
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
