i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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