So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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