I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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