So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
