she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
