The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
