just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So many bounce houses so little time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize