I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We're like a lot better than the average bears
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize